Three Tips on the First Day of School (for international families)
The first day of school is often filled with a mix of emotions when it is experienced in one’s passport culture, but the mental, emotional and even academic complexity can often be significantly magnified when it is experienced internationally. Students living abroad have the normal first day nerves, along with a whole new set of question marks, concerns and expectations. And the same often goes for their parents. It is one thing to navigate uncertainty in a culture that is familiar, but it is entirely another to walk through it in a new and foreign setting. Consider the following fictitious classroom scenario.
On the first day of school at an international school in Madrid, students and parents alike are having the all too familiar first day jitters. The mix of dread and hopeful excitement in the classroom is palpable and Mrs Perez can sense that her new class of ten-year olds is slightly on edge. As she looks out at her class, she sees familiar and unfamiliar faces, a diverse collection of students from around the world. As with each new school year teaching international children she is not only hopeful to help her students grow in their academic competencies but to help bring them a sense of belonging and stability as they navigate life abroad.
Ethan hails from England and has attended school here since his parents arrived in Spain six years ago. His quiet confidence shows that he knows his way around and feels comfortable in this setting. However, his parents just broke unexpected news to him on the eve of this first day of school. This will be Ethan’s last year at the school as his mom’s company has offered her a promotion back in England. He had been greatly looking forward to this school year but now he is anxiously anticipating having to say goodbye to his friends at the end of the year. He wonders how he will be able to enjoy the year knowing that he is leaving? And while he was born in England and has returned for a handful of visits, he feels incredibly overwhelmed at the thought of moving back. He has no memory of daily life in his passport country since he moved abroad at the age of three and feels like his home is in Spain.
Ji Ah is one of Mrs Perez’ new students who just arrived from South Korea. While she has some knowledge of English, she is afraid of failing in an English classroom setting. She feels pressure to not jeopardize her dad’s new diplomatic assignment in Madrid and wants to prove that she can make it. But she wonders if she will make friends in her class and feels alone being the only student in her class from Korea. Will she be accepted by her peers? Will she understand them as they speak and be able to express herself?
Mattias, a ten-year old from the Netherlands and Ethan’s best friend for the past three years, is excited for the first day of school. He is sitting next to his closest friend, but has no idea that it is his last first day of school with his buddy. His world is about to be shaken with news for which he is unprepared. He has seen other students come and go, but his friendship with Ethan has been the stability in an environment that has been ever changing. How will he respond when he finds out that his time with his best friend is coming to an end?
Mikaela, a student from the USA, is entering her second year. She had arrived with great expectations last year that her transition would go well since everything at the school is done in English. However, she quickly found out that she had some unexpected adjustments to make, as she had difficulty at first in understanding all the different English accents. And while the differences were somewhat nuanced she even struggled at times in understanding certain words, since her teachers were not primarily of American origin and had learned British English. She also quickly discovered that the specialized help she had received for her dyslexia in her school back in America was not at all what she experienced in her first year here. She is hopeful that her second year at the school will go smoother, but is feeling somewhat unsettled as she wonders if there will be more experiences for which she is unprepared.
There is an empty desk in the middle of the room, and as Mrs Perez does roll call, she discovers that Miguel, a new student arriving from Mexico is not present. Later in the day she receives an email explaining that Miguel’s family has run into some difficulties in their visa application and is desperately scrambling to get the additional paperwork that is being asked of them. Back in Mexico, Miguel was already feeling anxious about starting over in a new country and new school, and now his stress level is only growing the longer his arrival is delayed.
The above are just a handful of scenarios that can take place on the first day of school for international children. Whether you are considering an international assignment, are already on assignment or are preparing for repatriation, it is important to remember that your child(ren)’s schooling experience goes beyond academics. So, as parents, what is the best way to respond?
1. Be intentional ahead of the first day and weeks
Whether it is your children’s first time starting a new school year abroad, or whether they have done it multiple times, it is always a good idea to talk with them ahead of time about how they are anticipating things. They may be excited about things, they may feel anxious or they may have a mix of feelings about it. The questions below are ideas for you to engage with your children ahead of the new school year. They can give you an idea of how to help reassure them in their concerns and how to encourage them in their eager anticipation of what is ahead:
The school year is right around the corner, what are you most excited about?
What are you most concerned about?
Are there things about school that you don’t know that you would like us to try and find answers to ahead of time?
2. Be prepared for and expect the unexpected
At face value, this can seem quite paradoxical. How can you prepare for the unexpected? While you cannot predict the unpredictable, it is incredibly useful to simply be aware that change, particularly unexpected change, can happen quickly and frequently when living internationally. We are not suggesting that you constantly and anxiously be looking out for what might happen, however being aware of the fact that your children will likely face one or a number of the above scenarios is the first step to helping them.
As parents, we cannot prevent many of the changes and difficulties that our children will experience. This is why having the right mindset and being aware of the potential impact these changes can have on their lives is so important. Simply keeping in the back of your mind that your children are likely to experience unexpected change and/or difficulties will grow your ability to respond well.
3. Be on the lookout changes in behaviors and/or emotions
If your children are like mine, they may not automatically tell you when they are facing challenging times. For example, in the story above, Mattias may not think to tell his parents when he finds out that his best friend is going to be moving away, but his parents may notice that he is more on edge than usual.
A great indicator for us parents that our children are having a difficult time is a sudden change in their behavior and/or emotional expression. A typically calm child frequently losing his temper, or usually self-assured girl becoming clingy can be signs that they are feeling overwhelmed. As parents, we can sometimes simply see changes in behavior as something that simply needs to be corrected, but let me encourage us to take a step back and ask questions before moving toward behavior modification.
It is normal for our children to feel overwhelmed as they face change, whether it is expected or unexpected. But as we help them to successfully walk through periods of change they will develop a greater ability to face difficult situations for the rest of their lives. As parents we have the unique opportunity and privilege to intentionally move toward them as they encounter the challenges that they face.
At Expat Valley, we are the global experts on successful international family relocations and we would love for you to contact us today if you need assistance. We are here to help you prepare for your international child’s new school year as well as through many situations related to growing up abroad.
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