When Moving Backwards Is Part of Moving Forward: Understanding Developmental Regression in Global Transition
Six-year-old Lucas had been dry at night for nearly three years. His parents had stopped worrying about bedwetting long ago—until recently. As their international move from Switzerland to Canada crept closer, Lucas started having nighttime accidents again. At first, his parents chalked it up to too much juice before bed, or perhaps a phase. But as the boxes multiplied and the departure date loomed, so did the frequency of the accidents.
To make matters worse, Lucas’ four-year-old sister, Nora, had taken to waking in the night and quietly wandering into her parents’ bedroom. More than once, she startled her dad by standing silently beside the bed until he jolted awake, heart pounding—reminiscent of a scene from a horror movie.
Initially, both parents were exhausted and frustrated. “Why now?” they wondered. “We’re already overwhelmed with the logistics—why are the kids suddenly regressing?” But after speaking with a Family Relocation Specialist, they were surprised—and relieved—to learn that these behaviors are not only common during transitions, but they’re also normal.
What Is Developmental Regression?
Developmental regression refers to a temporary return to earlier behaviors or developmental stages a child had previously outgrown—such as bedwetting, thumb sucking, clinginess, tantrums, or separation anxiety. It’s not a sign of something gone terribly wrong. In fact, it’s often a child’s way of coping with emotional stress, uncertainty, or feelings of insecurity.
Children don’t always have the vocabulary or cognitive maturity to articulate the depth of their emotions during a major life change like an international move. Instead, their feelings show up in behavior. Regressions, in this sense, are like emotional leaks—a nonverbal signal that something feels off or overwhelming.
Why Does Regression Happen During Transition?
Moves, particularly international ones, represent a significant upheaval in a child’s world. Even if they’re excited about new adventures, the uncertainty and loss of familiarity can be deeply unsettling.
Common causes of regression during transition include:
In Lucas and Nora’s case, the stressors weren’t loud or dramatic. They were woven into the day-to-day atmosphere: the growing mountain of moving boxes, whispered conversations between parents, long to-do lists, and the absence of weekend playdates. The children picked up on it all—even without fully understanding it.
How Should Parents Respond?
When regression appears, it can be tempting to meet it with frustration—especially when you’re already running on empty. But how you respond can make a world of difference in how quickly your child regains their confidence and stability.
Here are a few guiding principles for responding to developmental regression with care:
1. Lead with Compassion
Remember that regression is a form of communication. Your child isn’t being manipulative—they’re overwhelmed. A calm and kind response sends the message: I see you, I hear you, and you’re safe.
Instead of: “You’re too old for this!” Try: “I know things feel different right now. We’re going through a lot of change, and I’m here for you.”
2. Reassure and Normalize
Children benefit greatly from knowing they’re not the only ones who go through this. Normalize the experience in age-appropriate ways.
“Sometimes when life feels big and new, our bodies do things that surprise us. It’s okay. This won’t last forever.”
3. Rebuild Predictability
During transitions, routines get disrupted. Re-establish simple, predictable rhythms wherever possible—bedtime routines, mealtimes, family check-ins. Even small rituals like a consistent story before bed can help restore a sense of stability.
4. Be Patient and Avoid Punishment
Shaming or disciplining children for regressive behaviors can deepen their insecurity. Respond with empathy, set gentle boundaries if needed, and remind yourself that this is temporary.
5. Make Space for Their Emotions
Kids need to know it’s okay to feel sad, scared, angry, or unsure. Invite them to talk about their feelings through play, drawing, or storybooks. Even if they don’t say much, the invitation itself is valuable.
When to Seek Additional Support
Most regressions naturally fade as the child settles into their new environment. However, if a regressive behavior persists for several months after the move, or if it intensifies over time, it may be wise to seek guidance from a pediatrician or child psychologist.
Some signs to watch for include:
Remember, asking for help is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of attentiveness and love. At Expat Valley, we regularly walk alongside families facing these very challenges, and we’re here to support you.
Questions to Consider as a Family
Moving Forward (Even If It Feels Like Backward)
Lucas’ parents learned to swap their frustration for curiosity and compassion. They added a few minutes of extra bedtime snuggles, reminded him gently to use the bathroom before bed, and gave him a sticker chart—not as a reward, but as a playful way to track his progress. And as they moved into their new home, Lucas’ accidents gradually stopped. Nora still wandered into their room some nights, but it became less frequent—and when she did, they knew not to panic.
Regression isn’t failure. It’s a natural response to change. With time, patience, and empathy, most children find their way back to where they left off—and often, they emerge with new strengths.
If you’re navigating developmental regression in the midst of a relocation, know this: it’s normal, it’s manageable, and you don’t have to face it alone.
At Expat Valley, we’re here to support you and your family every step of the way. Schedule a free 15-minute Ask Me Anything call with one of our Family Relocation Experts today.
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